The world behind
by patsan
Summary: "So this is a goodbye," he said, and his lips were turned up, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. She just nodded, unable to speak around the tightness of her throat. Post S2 AU.


Inspired by a beautiful quote on Goodreads, I present you with a new short ficlet. It's another AU, set not too many years in the future, but in different world, in which there never was a right time, there never was a second change, and Matthew and Mary ultimately followed the path they'd put their own lives on.

Unbeta'ed, so all mistakes and weird phrasing are mine.

If you have some spare time, I'd like to know what you think about it.

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**The World Behind**

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"So this is a goodbye," he said, and his lips were turned up, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

She just nodded, unable to speak around the tightness of her throat. It was difficult to just stand in front of him, like she'd done so many years ago, on this very platform, sending him off to war and praying that he would come back.

She forced a smile on her face, not minding that a few tears were blurring her sight now.

"Take care of yourself, dear Matthew," she said, and she wasn't ashamed of the little endearment that escaped her lips, because he was so very dear to her, and always would be, for so many years to come.

Matthew reached his hand out to her. "And you," he said, and as she watched him she saw that his eyes too were shiny, that he too kept swallowing, again and again, and his lips were trembling.

She came closer with a sudden movement, just as she'd done all these years ago, and placed a small kiss on his cheek. She paused there for only a moment, as his arms went around her briefly, not a proper hug, just the briefest contact, but it was enough to memorize his warmth, his precious smell, the softness of his skin.

"There's so much I'd want to say, my darling," he whispered desperately against her ear, "but…"

He couldn't go on, and they separated.

"Yes, but…" she said softly, and they smiled at each other, their fingers still pressing together, a secret promise, a soft regret.

_If only_… but no, this was their world now, this was what they had chosen, and they let their fingers slid away, apart, separated at last like they were about to, for the rest of their lives.

He cleared his throat. "I want you to know that… you'll always have a home here, Mary, whatever happens, as long as I'm alive. And the children too."

"Doesn't that promise include my husband too?" she teased, and he smiled.

"Of course it does. We're family."

Mary nodded, just as the sweetest child came from behind Matthew, resting her small face against her father's side, big blue eyes watching up at her sadly.

"You really need to go away, aunt Mary? And cousins Elizabeth and Mabel too?"

Mary smiled at her niece's sad face. "I'll write to your papa quite often, my dear, and he would tell you about all of our adventures in the new world. You'll heard so much about us that it will be like we never went away," she said in a steady voice that sounded so sure and yet so unconvincing.

She looked up at Matthew, who smiled at her kind lie, and watched fondly as she leaned down to hug his daughter, as she wiped away his child's tears.

They looked on as the girl went to hug her darling cousins, as promises of letters and even transatlantic calls were made.

"I'm going to break the entail," he announced quietly. "I'm not taking any chances."

And Mary turned to him, watched him for a long moment.

"Thank you," she said eventually, and she knew Matthew understood what she was grateful for, because he always did, and she felt that pull again, their bond stronger than ever, and she knew, once again, that time hadn't altered her feelings, it only had made them slip deeper, attached them to all the hidden parts of her soul, made room for them in the most comfortable recesses of her heart.

She would treasure them, always, as she knew he would.

The whistle blew and she heard the nanny urge her children on the train. Steps came behind her, and her husband's hand rested lightly on the small of her back.

"It's time to go, my dear," he said. "Matthew," he added, reaching his hand out to him and shaking it with purpose. "I wish every luck to you and your family."

Matthew nodded solemnly as he returned the wishes. "Care take of yourself and of your family, Richard," he said.

"I will," Richard replied with a curt nod, and he smiled briefly at them before leaving them alone, an understanding look in his eyes as he walked past Mary.

"I have to go," Mary said.

"Of course you do."

And she nodded, again, sighing heavily before turning on her heels and finally boarding the train.

She sat with her family, smiling at her daughters' antics as the poor nanny tried to keep them quiet, and watched out of the window at Matthew's family on the platform, Lavinia standing on one side, her little hand linked with his, and their daughter on the other, still sniffing lightly.

"Goodbye," she mouthed to him.

"Goodbye Mary," he murmured, just as the train moved, and even though she couldn't hear him, she knew what he was saying, what he was thinking, how his heart was breaking in this very moment.

She kept looking at him as the train took her away, and only when she couldn't see him anymore she dipped her head to hide her tears from her family.

"Is mama very sad?" Mabel whispered to her sister.

"Of course she is," she murmured back, "she's leaving her home behind."

And Mary smiled, because they didn't know how right they were.

She sighed, putting her best smile upon her face, as she asked Richard about the time schedule for their trip.

She listened carefully, she laughed at their daughters' silly questions, she chatted as much as she could while watching the English countryside slid away through her window.

Another life was starting, another world was waiting for her. And she would be ready for it.

_Goodbye then, and such good luck, my darling love._


End file.
